News

Dirt Cove leads the way in ecological preservation

by Wilson Wrightwrub, Publisher/Editor, Dirt Cove Press

"Thank God the rabbit's back in Dirt Cove", said Mayor Wallace "Uncle Wally" Pippy today at an official ceremony held in the field on back of Sully's Butcher Shop. "The people of Dirt Cove have gone too long without having any of that nature and all that around", the Mayor said, reading from a prepared statement. Historians will recall that the rabbit, a member of the family leporidae, died out in 1964 in Dirt Cove due what Mayor Pippy calls a "population implosion". "That's the scientific type name for it, eh? See what happened was they all just died. Now, some of the crowd up in Upper Lower Cove says that we shot all of our rabbit's. Now that's not true. The Mayor of Upper Lower Cove is a dirty old liar that haven't got the balls to say that to my face. I physically challenges him." With those strong words, Mayor Pippy officially opened the Rabbit Reintroduction Ceremony.

Students Aid By Helping
Scientition Technology Engineering Assistant students from the Professional Trade School of the Atlantic were on hand to aid in the slow process of bringing this creature back to an area that is completely barren of any wildlife, save the noble shithawk. "Well, what we plans on doing is letting the rabbits out of their cages and chasing them into the woods with sticks, where, hopefully, they'll go at it - making even more rabbits," said Toby Brocklehurst, a second year Scientition Technology Engineering Assistant student. The rabbits were purchased at the Pet Village at the Mall in Gander.

Ceremony Starts With A Bang
The first rabbit in Dirt Cove in 35 years was released at 12 noon today to the cheers of the large crowd that had gathered. The crowd was made up of a large crowd of townsfolk, many of whom had brought rocks to throw at the furry little creatures. A large contingent from the Dirt Cove Lodge was also present. The frustrated hunters have not had anything to hunt since they shot "Minnie" the Dirt Cove Moose in 1997 as part of the Cabot 500 celebrations. Sully Wrongwrub is the acting chairman of the organization: "I'm a butcher, right? I mean, lately, I haven't had anything to butch. I was getting fed up to be honest with ya. But this is a real turn around. Uncle Wally is really turning this town around. I hopes we get chickens next."

The little rabbit hopped from his cage, looked nervously at the crowd of onlookers, hopped towards the welcome shelter of the nearby woods and was immediately shot by Mr. Wrongwrub. This was the first rabbit killed in Dirt Cove in 35 years. Soon, the brave men of the Dirt Cove Lodge began firing their weapons directly into the cages. Within seven minutes, the expert hunters had shot and killed all 85 rabbits.

Mayor Calls It A Success
"Couldn't have asked for a better day", said Mayor Pippy over a meal of rabbit earlier this evening. "They said we couldn't do this in Upper Lower Cove and now look at us. Ha! That crowd in Upper Lower Cove got a lot to learn." The reintroduction was such a success that Mayor Pippy intends to reintroduce the rabbits again, later this month. Dirt Cove is obviously a town on the move.

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